My Essay
The Aftermath of Hurricane Katrina
Katrina it one of the most costly and disastrous tropical cyclone to ever hit the United States, thousands has been affected and others are still missing. It has left hundreds of thousands homeless and unemployed, has separated people from their loved ones, and has left behind a sea of questions that have yet to be answered. It is unbelievable to see how things can change in a blink of an eye, the multitude that was affected by this unforgiving natural disaster serves as a reminder of the power and wrath mother nature can inflict in a matter of a short time. There are still hundreds missing and others that are in desperate need of relief. The aftermath in New Orleans is so bad that it has been referred to as a “war-zone.”
The psychological effect that Katrina has left behind is one of infamy, leaving many wishing all this would be a bad dream; instead, is a calamity of crude reality. The emotional state of thousands of people has been left shattered with death, disaster, and dreams drowning in a flood of chaos and disarray. The scars that Katrina has left behind will take a long time to heal, but the mark has been made and the memories will hark back reminding millions of how insignificant humans are compared to the unpredictable and lethal hand of Mother Nature. Times like this remind me of what my grandma said to me when I was going through a tough time and I told her I hated my life; she said, “nunca sabes lo que tienes hasta que lo pierdes” (you do not know what you have until it’s lost). Unfortunately, I have lived this experience of losing a love one first hand, when I was about eight my uncle Jorge passed away from lung cancer as a result of smoking in excessive amounts. Losing a loved one is never easy and to add insult to injury the people affected by Hurricane Katrina still have a sea of questions left unanswered and relief efforts do not seem to be enough to accommodate the large number affected by this disaster.
It is too early to predict the psychological trauma left after the disaster, but the one thing that is certain is that it has left behind a dark abysses of painful memories. Memories are a brief recollection of the past; usually our memories have a strong impact on us that is why we remember them in the first place. I classify memories into two categories: ones of pain and ones of sorrow. The joyful memories bring back happiness and warmth to our hearts, but they probably do not affect us a much as the painful memories. Painful memories are like a scar in our lives and remind us of infernal times. They affect one's life in a horrific manner. Every time we see, hear, or do anything that reminds us of that moment in time, we fall into a deep hole of sorrow and sadness that sometimes we are unable to escape, but memories have their purpose in life, they are there to remind us that the world at times can be a cruel and dishearten place. On the other hand, in the words of Benjamin Franklin, “when there is a will there is a way;” if we make an effort to create more memories of joy to compensate for the ones of sorrow the world would be a better place for this and future generations. There is strength in numbers; if we come together as a society to help the ones in need we can create memories that reestablish our bonds and remind us of the purpose of living instead of making it harder for each other to enjoy life. Otherwise, life as we know it would be a waste of time.
Keep in mind that remembering is reliving, let us make our best effort to replace the painful memories of the ones affected by this disaster, ones of joy not of sorrow.
Katrina it one of the most costly and disastrous tropical cyclone to ever hit the United States, thousands has been affected and others are still missing. It has left hundreds of thousands homeless and unemployed, has separated people from their loved ones, and has left behind a sea of questions that have yet to be answered. It is unbelievable to see how things can change in a blink of an eye, the multitude that was affected by this unforgiving natural disaster serves as a reminder of the power and wrath mother nature can inflict in a matter of a short time. There are still hundreds missing and others that are in desperate need of relief. The aftermath in New Orleans is so bad that it has been referred to as a “war-zone.”
The psychological effect that Katrina has left behind is one of infamy, leaving many wishing all this would be a bad dream; instead, is a calamity of crude reality. The emotional state of thousands of people has been left shattered with death, disaster, and dreams drowning in a flood of chaos and disarray. The scars that Katrina has left behind will take a long time to heal, but the mark has been made and the memories will hark back reminding millions of how insignificant humans are compared to the unpredictable and lethal hand of Mother Nature. Times like this remind me of what my grandma said to me when I was going through a tough time and I told her I hated my life; she said, “nunca sabes lo que tienes hasta que lo pierdes” (you do not know what you have until it’s lost). Unfortunately, I have lived this experience of losing a love one first hand, when I was about eight my uncle Jorge passed away from lung cancer as a result of smoking in excessive amounts. Losing a loved one is never easy and to add insult to injury the people affected by Hurricane Katrina still have a sea of questions left unanswered and relief efforts do not seem to be enough to accommodate the large number affected by this disaster.
It is too early to predict the psychological trauma left after the disaster, but the one thing that is certain is that it has left behind a dark abysses of painful memories. Memories are a brief recollection of the past; usually our memories have a strong impact on us that is why we remember them in the first place. I classify memories into two categories: ones of pain and ones of sorrow. The joyful memories bring back happiness and warmth to our hearts, but they probably do not affect us a much as the painful memories. Painful memories are like a scar in our lives and remind us of infernal times. They affect one's life in a horrific manner. Every time we see, hear, or do anything that reminds us of that moment in time, we fall into a deep hole of sorrow and sadness that sometimes we are unable to escape, but memories have their purpose in life, they are there to remind us that the world at times can be a cruel and dishearten place. On the other hand, in the words of Benjamin Franklin, “when there is a will there is a way;” if we make an effort to create more memories of joy to compensate for the ones of sorrow the world would be a better place for this and future generations. There is strength in numbers; if we come together as a society to help the ones in need we can create memories that reestablish our bonds and remind us of the purpose of living instead of making it harder for each other to enjoy life. Otherwise, life as we know it would be a waste of time.
Keep in mind that remembering is reliving, let us make our best effort to replace the painful memories of the ones affected by this disaster, ones of joy not of sorrow.
posted by aguila at 9:04 PM
2 Comments:
It's a miracle, you actually wrote in paragraphs for once. I'm so proud of you.
1st Paragraph:
-Katrina "IS"
-tropical "CycloneS"
-thousands "HAVE"
-first and third sentences are run-ons
-No source cited for quote at end
-You use "hudreds" and "thousands" a lot. Source or Guestimate?
2nd Paragraph:
-"infamy" is not really a psychological effect
-Instead "IT" is a calamity..."
-Mother Nature capitalized in this paragraph but not in the 1st one.
-insert comma after "tough time"
-Capitalize "Nunca"
-losing a "loveD" one
-Sentence beginning "Unfortunately..." is a run-on sentence
-Change "smoking in excessive amounts" to "smoking excessively."
-Last sentence is a run-on
3rd Paragraph:
-change "abysses" to "abyss"
-2nd sentence is a run-on (that is why...)
-Only two classifications of memory are pain and sorrow? That leaves out a lot of memories, doesn't it?
-Sentence beginning "Every time" is a run-on (they are here to)
-change "dishearten" to "disheartening"
-capitalize "When there is a will"
-Use period after quote, not semicolon
-change "make" to "made"
4th Paragraph:
-Change "keep" to "keeping"
-Too short, too weak for a conclusion, and doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
-It's also a run-on sentence.
Overall:
Be careful about overusing cliches: "blink of an eye" "sea of questions (twice)" "bad dream" "losing a loved one" "adding insult to injury" "strength in numbers" "On the other hand" etc.
The length seems a little short, but I don't know what your requirements were. I'm very pleased with your use of tone and vocabulary, although your style can seem almost too poetic at times, with too many distracting metaphors. Sometimes it's good to pick one metaphor and carry it throughout the paper, instead of switching back and forth between unrelated ones (sinking in an abyss, and scars, and drowning). Occasionally, when you steer away from the cliches, you come up with your own turn of phrase that is very good: Calamity of crude reality--nice.
If your prompt asked for a personal reflection, you did fine. If, however, it asked for analysis of a current issue or event, then you are seriously lacking in credible sources, a discernible thesis, and clear supporting arguments.
The general correctness of your grammar, and what is (for the most part)logical syntax does convince me that you have indeed revised this at least once or twice. However, it looks as if it still needs two or three more revisions to go.
I'm impressed with the quality of your writing, which seems much improved from even as recently as last year. I am NOT, however, impressed with the fact that you asked for my help the night before the assignment was due. You need to put aside the procrastinating once and for all, Victor. You are in college now. Time to grow up quickly. Did you try to get help from one of the writing labs for this paper? That would be a great habit to get into.
On a more positive note, after reading your first college composition, I am reassured that you have the ability to make it through college. I would even venture the compliment that your writing is probably better than some of your fellow freshmen. Don't let that go to your head, though. Never settle for "good" when you can strive for "excellent."
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